keeping my eyes open

I can't believe I am blogging so late. But my friend Chuwi said I should while it was still fresh in my memory :) I love my Chuwi.

Before I left my house tonight,to go out with some friends, my mom said to me: "abre tus ojitos." I was going to a posh Miami bar and was haning out with a different group of people, so my mom was hopeful I could meet a potential mate. She really wants me to find a boyfriend and settle down ASAP. A part of me wants this too... a large part of me actually.

Keeping my eyes open wasn't really hard since within 10 minutes of being there an attractive young man walked in and sat across from me at the table. I couldn't believe it that my mission would be so easy! This guy looked like a guy my mom would really like. Mr. Whiskey Sour turned out to be a cool guy. He was very talkative which at times made me feel bad because I felt like he was stealing me away from my friends. But at the same time it was very flattering that he was really interested in talking to me. Out of all of the girls at the bar he wanted to talk to me the most. He would even look for me when I would leave his side. Mr. Whiskey Sour didn't care about the girl who put an ice down his shirt as a desperate measure to get his attention. I actually tried giving him a push to go and dance with this chick, but he wouldn't because he was too wrapped up in our convo.

Unfortunately, Mr. Whiskey Sour is not what I am looking for. He is a great conversationalist, smart, attractive, funny and has an endearing accent, but no depth. He is kind of a "good on paper" kind of guy. But I am very appreciative that I met him tonight. I think he served an important purpose. For the first time in a long time, I placed myself out in the dating world. I met a stranger at a bar and we got to pick at each others' brains for a few hours. For the first time I didn't think about him while I interacted with Mr. Whiskey Sour. For the first time I didn't compare Mr. Whiskey Sour to him. I was able to be flirty and yet not over analyze every single word that came out of his mouth. Most importantly, I felt that he couldn't really see inside of me as he looked into my eyes. I felt protected...my heart felt protected. It was something superficial. So this was a good step for me.

But in the end the wrong guy was talking to me...

Olvidarte

Te dedico algunas palabras de mi poeta favorito...

Olvidarte es mas difícil que encontrarse al sol de noche. Que entender a los políticos o comprar la Torre Eiffel. Mas dificil que fumarse un habano en American Airlines. Mas dificil que una flor plastica marchita. Olvidarte es mas dificil que una flaca en un Botero. Que encontrarse a un gato verde, o a un cubano sin sabor. Mas dificil que Lady Di en la estacion del metro. Olvidarte es tan dificil, olvidarte.

Olvidarte es un intento que no lo deseo tanto, porque tanto es que lo intento que me acuerdo mucho mas. Y he llegado a sospechar que mi afan de no acordarme es lo que me tiene enfermo de recuerdos. Olvidarte es lo que espero para reanudar mi vida. Harto de seguir soñando con la posibilidad de que un dia por error, o pura curiosidad le preguntes a un amigo por mis huesos

- Ricardo Arjona

angel flying too close to the ground

"Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven."
- Matthew 18:3

It's so easy for me to see the face of Christ in every child I meet. I think this is why I love children so much. They are simple, innocent and they see things in such a remarkable way. As much as we, as adults, can teach and guide children, we can learn many valuable lessons from them.

Tonight I met a wonderful little angel at the hospital whom we will call Jax. Jax suffers, from what I can assume, a neurological disorder. I never really ask what illness the patients have because I do not want to be nosy, and their disease isn't really relevant to my duties and purpose as a volunteer.

Despite Jax having her head wrapped up and a machine monitoring her brain function, she sported a beautiful smile. She kept calling my friend Juju and I beautiful and that we were the prettiest girls she had seen. Her words were so genuine. She told us so much about the different tests that had been done to her, about her family and all her dolls. Jax said that she loved getting MRIs done and she thought brain surgeons were cool. She wants to be a doctor for big people when she grows up. I was amazed at her courage. She is only about 6 yrs old and she is more brave than I am. I hate MRIs! I come close to having panic attacks every time I get one done.

Jax then revealed to Juju and I her source of strength. Drum roll please...God! She showed us this little doll named Hannah that sang a song: Jesus loves me, this I know. For the bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong; they are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. The bible tells me so. Jax sang that song with such enthusiasm and she made Juju and I learn it so we can sing along with her. Her mom told us that Jax had brought that doll with her and she would only listen to that song before going into surgery. I was floored. This little child who was facing such a huge surgery, needed to just listen to this song to be reassured that Jesus was looking over Her. That even though she is weak, she has a Lord who is much stronger than her that was going to take care of her.

Wow...if we could only be more like children.

24

In two weeks I will be turning 24...

This is the first year I am not looking forward to my birthday. I am not quite sure why. I don't have a desire to celebrate my b-day and I haven't even made my wishlist. I usually make a wishlist for my birthday, but tell no one about it and then I wait and see how many of the things I wanted I actually got. It's almost a test of how well my friends and family know me.

All I wanted for my birthday was to take the day off and go to the beach or go to a spa or have a shopping day with mom. But I might be traveling soon so I can't be wasteful with PTO days at work. :/

Last night at group we had a woman come and speak to us about a retreat. She asked if anyone of us desires more from life or from our spiritual life. My hand rushed up in the air because if I can point my finger on any emotion I have been feeling lately it would have to be desire...desire for more. I seek depthness. This woman also said that this retreat is good if you have to make some decisions in your life (i.e. vocation, career path). At least those are the two that stuck out most. As this woman spoke I felt my heart on fire. As if God was saying "D, you gotta go!" So me being obessesed with signs said, "Ok God...if you want me there then have someone go with me. Beacuse I am definitely not going by myself." I didn't think anyone would go because two of my close friends had already been on this retreat and the other two I wasn't sure of. So I figured if He really wanted me there, this would be a good sign. As soon as the lady was done speaking, my friend Chuwi said she'd go. I was elated and surprised.

The retreat is next weekend which would be the weekend I could celebrate my birthday. Which got me thinking...I may not want to do anything for my birthday but God does. So I will celebrate by birthday so to speak by going on a retreat. I am a bit nervous because it's a very reflective retreat based on St. Ignatius of Loyola's spiritual exercises, which means there will be a lot of silence allowing God to speak.

nice dream

Last night I had a pleasant dream of you. It's been a while since I have had sweet dreams involving you.

I dreamt you had a house in Maine by the water and a very cute dog. I can't remember the breed right now, but I know I loved it! You were throwing a kick ass party and a lot of our friends were there. At one point you were too drunk to remember you had a dog...though this would probably piss me off in the waking world, I laughed it off in dreamland.

I hope some day you get a house in Maine and have a cute dog. Hopefully I'll be there as well.